True Best No. ONE

25 Things

• TV Sitcoms are awful, hideous things. Poorly written and with jokes that only the stupidest of the American populace could truly enjoy. Either that or they are outright boring, with jokes so lame that again only the stupidest could truly enjoy them. See House of Pain, anything on CW/USA/TBS/TNT, etc.
  
• Wit is king. Dry is king. And, hell, the Apatow crew is funny. It's not wrong to have humor that makes you think or has some dependence on the listener having intelligence.
  
• Modern fantasy falls into two categories, wannabe Tolkien epic crap or something with thought. It is possible to channel Tolkien or borrow themes and general ideas, but changing the names of the characters/races/cities and making the quest about a cup instead of a ring is just awful. Even though most authors no longer fall into the stereotype, there are a few out there who make it big on little more than Tolkien ripoffs.
• Genre fiction will never be embraced by literary critics by and large. Nor does it need/want to be accepted.
• D & D is just awful. Awful. You aren't a brilliant storyteller because you've been in a jillion "campaigns". In fact if you play the game you are most likely a HORRIBLE story teller. It creates readers for genre fiction, however, which is good.
• Just because you're poor doesn't mean you don't have to take care of yourself! Buy some decent clothes more than once every ten years. Still walking around wearing that Stone Cold Steve Austin shirt from 1997? Maybe it's time for an upgrade since it has more holes than your latest drunken excuse to a cop/judge.

• I know you weigh 460 pounds and your "Mart Kart" helps you shop. But maybe getting off your excessively (and I'm talking four foot wide) ass and waddling through the store to buy your nine bags of Doritos and 12 pack of 'MtnDew' could help you drop the unseemly pounds.

• The Godfather is overrated drivel and you know it. The Godfather Part 2, now we're talking! Cinematic gold.
• I know you don't want to but you've got to admit it, American Football is just a big game of grab ass. Tight little pants, ass slapping, choreographed end zone dances. C'mon. You can't sit there and say soccer is "gay" when you've got that sausage fest going on. There's nothing wrong with the sport, it's America's sport. Just don't deny what is plain on the screen for all to see.

It's not 25. It's an American 25, I'll just outsource the rest overseas. Cut out the jobs from the bottom and reap the rewards at the top. Of course I'll squander the money and as the company starts to bottom out I'll sell my shares and walk away free. Yay Capitalism!

... Hey now I like Capitalism. It's because of Capitalism that I believe in money. And TVs, and video games and trips overseas to gawk at other cultures from my traveler "safe zone". Heh, I'm a real traveler though. Now off to bed to get ready to work at one of the most employee unfriendly employers in the world, Walmart.