Faraday

Halfway through the month and I only have four (well five now) posts. It's been my slowest month here by a longshot! I do apologize, since I really haven't been busy. The only thing I've been doing is injecting large doses of pop culture and internets. Pondering my future as well, I suppose. I spend a lot of time thinking about how to get where I want to go and how to achieve my dreams. The worst thing about me is that I'm not a very resourceful guy so it makes any task daunting.

I've decided I'm definitely getting a netbook when I get my return back. A relatively cheap Asus from Best Buy is what I'm currently considering. Since it was suggested that they'll perform browsing and word processing adequately I was sold. That's really all I need my portable platform to do. I need it to be more of a tool than entertainment, though I imagine it'll handle stuff like Hulu just fine. Thanks for the input guys.

The job search is the most frustrating thing in my life right now. I have an interview with Pepsi later today for a menial labor job. I think there's a decent chance that I can land this job. That is to say I hope there is a decent chance. I can barely describe the trouble looking for a legit job in this area has caused for me. Experience is the name of the game, and it's something I simply don't have enough of for a 'good' job. So I'm just going to hold out for a shitty job. They suck, they take your soul and your spirit, but they pay. College really doesn't prepare you for life and thanks to my lackadaisical upbringing I'm just not able to make my way in this world. Cross your fingers that I find my ambition... or motivation rather. I don't lack for ambition. I aspire to be any number of things and to get to all these amazing places. I just don't know how to get there. Sitting on my ass won't do the job. What will? I really wish I was more resourceful.

When I first lost my job I was actually a bit excited to be honest. I thought "Finally I'm out of that stagnant environment. Finally I can flex my creative muscle and find something more worthy of my talents!" I really thought I would be able to make the most of my time. For a while I think I did. Once the initial glumness of losing my job wore off, I really started to fire on all cylinders. I got motivated and discovered a hundred little things in the world to make my life more full. Even if it was something as simple as following a vlogger on Youtube there was so much to do and see. I had time for my projects, for my hobbies, for my life again. I was working on stuff every day. Over time I noticed that this gradually wore off, and now four months later I'm sort of desperate to get a job again since I wasn't able to turn anything I did into money. Or finish anything I started. I may have started 10 projects a week, but I didn't finish a single one. Depressing, no? I think if I had somebody to work with it might motivate me again. Collaborative efforts are the best way to go if you have trouble motivating yourself I've heard. I've lost that initial buoyant spirit I had back in January and February. I'm desperate for a job and now realize that I'll have to compromise for a long time to come.

Enough whining! That's my situation in life up there, my true dilemma. My continuing quarter-life crisis. I exited college into a world that didn't have any demand for my skills. And since I didn't have the knowledge of where to put my skills to use, I floundered and picked up a job that I coasted at for two years. Despite numerous chances for advancement I resisted since I had no desire to move upwards at that company. I was always holding out for Ashes' graduation and my chance to finally move over seas and live my dream in an Asian land. South Korea. Japan originally, but the demand for teachers there just isn't what it used to be in the early 2000s. My dream is seeming to pass me by now as I find myself horribly unqualified for the job, which I was always told was fine. Now I'm not so sure. I had a phone interview with a recruiter that seemed excited about Ashes (she's a teacher and all) but really made it seem like I was doomed. That damn near broke my heart and soul. I say damn near because we aren't out of the running for these jobs. Fingers crossed again for this one.

So now I realize that if you want a break in life you have to make it yourself. You have to make your own chances and your own luck. This is why I'm writing much more often (not necessarily all at this blog either). I will make my name in this world yet. I will prove my worth, make my name and get to a place where I'm content with what I do. I want to create. The motivation has to match the ambition. That point is coming.

Purple monkey dishwasher.